A Story I Forgot
I left North Carolina Tuesday afternoon amidst a light snow storm. I usually fly American, but this time I was flying Delta because none of the American flights had the right combination of airplanes. At RDU American also has its own terminal (terminal C) dedicated to the entire airline, no sharesies. Terminal A is where all the other airlines cram together in a long line of confusion (I’ve stood in line for the wrong airline more than once). And terminal B appears to be one big baggage claim; I’ve never quite figured it out, though I do have a very vague memory of boarding a ValueJet plane destined for Florida a week before the fateful Everglades crash. So maybe baggage claim and mini-terminals for those ghetto boom-boom flights.
Anyways… the line leading up to the Delta terminal was one of the longest I’ve ever seen, and it consisted entirely of men in uniform (I’m assuming Army, I really don’t know these things). I freaked out since I can’t think straight in airports due to the drugs, and desperately tried to find Delta help. They pointed me to the self-check kiosks that were almost empty. Oops.
I passed out as soon as I got on the plane. I don’t remember takeoff (always a good thing), and didn’t really come to until the beverage people clanked down the aisle. I asked for an apple juice (I always drink apple juice unless I’m getting hammered) but they didn’t have any on the cart (?!?) and so I had to wait. When they brought my apple juice 5 minutes later, a stewardess leaned over and asked, “Miss Mignolo, would you like help with your connecting flight?” and since I can’t hear on planes and have so much xanax in me I can’t make much sense of anything, I say yes, figuring they wouldn’t ask me if the presumed answer was no. Maybe I was about to miss my connection and would to be zipped through the airport on those annoying ass airport-trolleys with the blinking lights that can never go very fast because of all the people, yet they are always trying as if a sliver of possiblity existed in which space would open up and they could just floor it.
We land and everyone begins the usual procedure of deboarding. The superhappy smiling steward and stewardess tell me that I need to wait. I wait until everyone is off, and then the steward helps me carry my luggage off the plane and directs me to a wheelchair. By this point I’m so confused I have absolutely no idea *what* is going on and mutely accept the ride. I couldn’t even get it together enough to ask what malady I was afflicted by. The man who wheeled me to my connecting flight took this intricate series of back hallways and elevators, and would jot things down on a sheet of paper occasionally. Everything was really empty, the superhappy helpful flight crew flashed into my head, and I wondered where I was really going to go. It’s fun to foment conspiracy theories when filled with a healthy dose of xanax - all the fun, none of the freakout. In a very disappointing conclusion, they wheeled me all the way to my connecting flight.
I now have a shortbus story and a wheelchair story. I’ll always wonder why they put me in a wheelchair… applejuice, in the context of Delta, will always be code for “act supernice and wheel them away quickly.” Maybe I was making it up, but I swear they got superhappy nice after I mentioned applejuice; like they were all in on a secret that I unknowingly triggered. Discuss.
applejuice? APPLEJUICE!!?! ha ha. what a tard!
no no, i mean… i don’t get it either, unless, in your haze you weren’t particularly coherent when asking for said beverage, and they just figured you were drunk or something.
continental went through the trouble of confirming that i wanted a vegetarian meal, then telling me it was the “meat” or nothing. unless i wanted more peanuts. twice. they never even offered me a chair or nothing.
this isn’t apropos of what you’ve written above, but i thought you might like to read it. i can’t vouch for it, but it’s said to be joss whedon’s post about the recent news:
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Some of you may have heard the hilarious news. I thought this would be a good time to weigh in. to answer some obvious questions: No, we had no idea this was coming. Yes, we will finish out the season. No, I don’t think the WB is doing the right thing. Yes, I’m grateful they did it early enough for my people to find other jobs.
Yes, my heart is breaking.
When Buffy ended, I was tapped out and ready to send it off. When Firefly got the axe, I went into a state of denial so huge it may very well cause a movie. But Angel… we really were starting to feel like we were on top, hitting our stride — and then we strode right into the Pit of Snakes ‘n’ Lava. I’m so into these characters, these actors, the situations we’re building… you wanna know how I feel? Watch the first act of “The Body.”
As far as TV movies or whatever, I’m not thinking that far ahead. I actually hope my actors and writers are all too busy. We always planned this season finale to be a great capper to the season and the show in general. (And a great platform for a new season, of course.) We’ll proceed ahead as planned.
I’ve never made mainstream TV very well. I like surprises, and TV isn’t about surprises, unless the surprise is who gets voted off of something. I’ve been lucky to sneak this strange, strange show over the airwaves for as long as I have. I don’t FEEL lucky, but I understand that I am.
Thanks all for your support, your community, and your perfectly sane devotion. It’s meant a lot. I regret nothing (except the string of grisley murders in the 80’s — what was THAT all about?) Remember the words of the poet:
“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the road less traveled by and they CANCELLED MY FRIKKIN’ SHOW. I totally shoulda took the road that had all those people on it. Damn.”
See you soon.
-j.
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“Applejuice?” Ha ha ha…very funny, ms pnts, very funny. How often did you really ask for that kinda kiddie’s stuff, versus something more potent, like 80 proof Scotch or somethin’ huh? See, the stewardess who may have known you from before may have figured that ms pnts must not be feeling alright when asking for applejuice vs Jack Daniel or something, so she figured that ms pnts probably will need some help. Why, she even addressed you by your name instead of just “Hey, miss..”
Well, all kidding asides, the most likely explanation is that the dose of Xanax that you were taking was not such a “healthy dose” that you believed, but was way too excessive, as evidenced by the fact that you passed out prior to takeoff, and then when woke up, you didn’t quite understand what the stewardess was sayin’. Good thing that the aircrews were nice people and not belonging to an underground organization specializing in trafficking people, or else you would have never been able to get home, may be ending up in bondage on the other side of the world.
Moral of the story: Confucius said: “Go easy on the Xanax, or you may never make it back [home, that is]!”
Welcome back, Ms pnts!
like i said, what a tard.